I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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