so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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