so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
