ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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