last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
