Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
