everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
