Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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