The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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