you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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