i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
