dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
