she was so not down for the gang bang
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
