I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
BRING THE BAGELS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
