How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
