I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
