I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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