woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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