oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
