We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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