If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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