Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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