i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
