We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
