why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
