"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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