It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
