playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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