now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I came so hard my ears popped.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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