she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
