Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
