it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize