whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
