i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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