U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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