We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
