Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
