Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
