wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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