Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
