i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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