I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
