it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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