plz talk dirty to me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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