You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it because I queefed?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
