Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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