party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
