Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it penis luge time yet?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
