How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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