he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are we still banned from the library?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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