why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
