It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
