By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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