We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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