Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
