Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
