My first STD was from a foam party
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
