I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.