I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.