I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.