I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
