Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  This is not my ceiling

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  (478): This is not my ceiling http://tfl.nu/p46e
  Replies (11) Good night (1854) Bad night (671)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (3174)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

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  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
  Replies (6) Good night (8032) Bad night (992)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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  (248): That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that. http://tfl.nu/u3z8
  Replies (7) Good night (2357) Bad night (1415)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

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  (215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim
  Replies (17) Good night (1684) Bad night (2835)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...

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  (217): I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony... http://tfl.nu/w96r
  Replies (14) Good night (3419) Bad night (1671)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls

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  (410): Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls http://tfl.nu/o10i
  Replies (4) Good night (2606) Bad night (724)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

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  (832): I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship. http://tfl.nu/02yh
  Replies (3) Good night (1428) Bad night (556)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

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  (636): It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked. http://tfl.nu/8md6
  Replies (15) Good night (1299) Bad night (587)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.

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  (910): A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/fy2b
  Replies (9) Good night (1008) Bad night (523)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.

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  (307): She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche. http://tfl.nu/hl4o
  Replies (7) Good night (735) Bad night (1780)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?

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  (972): Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney? http://tfl.nu/omqz
  Replies (3) Good night (687) Bad night (538)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.

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  (908): I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be. http://tfl.nu/dw4c
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (272)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?

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  (780): Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office? http://tfl.nu/0lyw
  Replies (6) Good night (377) Bad night (654)
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  (650): View more from California

  future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.

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  (650): future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture. http://tfl.nu/2m26
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (204)

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