Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wear drunk well.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
