Texts From Last Night

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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2278) Bad night (3231)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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  (604): My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't. http://tfl.nu/nrau
  Replies (13) Good night (1673) Bad night (3955)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (28438) Bad night (3533)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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  (615): Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. http://tfl.nu/rwfi
  Replies (17) Good night (4392) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

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  (250): How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time? http://tfl.nu/zyvh
  Replies (30) Good night (5636) Bad night (2004)
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  (209): View more from California

  His new job just became new places to have sex at.

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  (209): His new job just became new places to have sex at. http://tfl.nu/ezs0
  Replies (7) Good night (1844) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.

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  (412): Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it. http://tfl.nu/x2ar
  Replies (6) Good night (2028) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night

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  (937): They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night http://tfl.nu/quiu
  Replies (6) Good night (2044) Bad night (531)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

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  (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted http://tfl.nu/8l0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1575) Bad night (596)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.

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  (360): I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line. http://tfl.nu/9tdh
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (943)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.

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  (775): I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things. http://tfl.nu/iyc1
  Replies (6) Good night (640) Bad night (718)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.

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  (330): I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs. http://tfl.nu/5zwg
  Replies (8) Good night (619) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you

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  (609): And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you http://tfl.nu/cp0z
  Replies (4) Good night (1029) Bad night (564)
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  (707): View more from California

  Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid

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  (707): Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid http://tfl.nu/1mf7
  Replies (4) Good night (843) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.

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  (306): You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl. http://tfl.nu/2a6m
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (314)

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