In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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