I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
