is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
