Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
