ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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