i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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