halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
