Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
