I could make wine with my vomit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
