I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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