when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
