Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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