I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I believe in your delicious
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
