Porn is love you can see.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
