He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
