dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
