You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
