There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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